Sorry guys but things are going to be a little heavy this Monday morning because today is June 12th. To most it's just another day, to some it has a special meaning but to those of us who live here in Orlando, today marks one year since our community was rocked by the events that took place at Pulse Nightclub. That night will forever be etched in my memory and I wasn't even there and I'm not part of the LGBTQ community but I can only imagine what the survivors of that night feel not just today, but every day. The horror that took place that night is something that cannot ever be explained. 

Today marks 365 days since pain, terror and fear struck Orlando and the patrons of Pulse. In some ways it feels like a lifetime and in other ways it feels like it was just yesterday. They say that time heals all wounds but wounds leave scars and scars are always present reminders of how that wound happened, so that begs the question; does time really heal all wounds? Just because the pain is no longer there physically doesn't mean it's gone. Sitting here today I can still remember reading that first post from the Pulse Facebook page and praying it wasn't real but knowing in my heart it was. 8 words. 8 words that I will forever remember reading. That post is probably gone now but I and many will never forget. So has time really healed? Who's to say? What matters is that we've allowed the healing process to begin. What matters is that we have moved forward. Anger, sadness, love, hope - it's ok to feel all of these things. Not just today, every day. Any day. As long as we don't let the fear and anger take over it's ok to feel those emotions whenever because it is part of the healing process and feeling means we're alive. 

Today marks a day of a lot of feelings but it also marks a new year for Central Floridians. For this year I hope we will not let hate win. Today is Orlando United Day but I hope we can be united more than just today. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King

If you would like to donate to the onePULSE Foundation, you can make a donation or purchase a t-shirt here. Please note that I am in no way affiliate with the onePULSE Foundation and I am not receiving any compensation to push out their link. I am simply a girl from Orlando who loves and supports her community.

Three words I never thought I'd write. Pray for Orlando. Yet here I am, writing those words on the day of the deadliest mass shooting on US soil and the deadliest terror attack in the United States since 9/11; while watching President Obama's speech with tears in my eyes. I had plans on doing things today but instead I've been sitting here, glued to my tv and Facebook, since I woke up around 6:30 am and heard the news. Waiting for more information and watching my notifications on Facebook to pop up confirming my friends are safe and sound.
You see stuff like this on the news and your heart hurts for the community, the people, family and friends involved but you never think it will happen to you. I never thought that I'd be using the Facebook Safety Check to let my family and friends know I was safe and I never thought I'd be habitually watching it as if my life depended on it to make sure my friends were all ok as well. If you think it can't happen to you, you are wrong. It can.
Saturday night Kerri, the boys and I were sitting downtown just under 2 miles from the club where the shooting took place, just mere hours before it all went down, talking about the shooting that had happened here the night before. It never once crossed my mind that it could get any worse than the shooting that happened Friday night. It never occurred to me that something this devastating could happen in my city. Sitting here now, watching the coverage and hearing more and more of what happened I am still in shock. This not only happened in my city but it happened at place I have frequented, a place many of my friends still do. This happened in my backyard. Witnessing a terrorist attack around the world is troubling and saddening, witnessing a terrorist attack on your home is heartbreaking. It's the weirdest feeling in the world scrolling through social media and seeing celebrities and major companies telling people to pray for the city you're sitting in. No matter how hard you try to get away from it, you can't. While the rest of the world just woke up to the tragedy, we had to relive it over and over all day. It was so disappointing to see my Facebook and Instagram feeds filled with pictures of my friends out drinking and celebrating while we were here mourning. It's been even more disappointing to see how many people changed their Facebook profile pictures to stand with France during their terrorist attack but not their own country.
  As I sit here in a fog you can't help but to wonder "why?" Sadly, that will most likely be a question that will never be answered. The lives of at least fifty sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, friends, parents and children were taken senselessly because of hatred and ignorance. We must teach and project love and understanding, we mustn't rush to judge others and spew hatred for something you don't understand.
We will not be defined from the hate of one person. We will stand behind our community and provide support. Today my heart is full of sadness but it is also full of love. We are Orlando Strong, we are The City Beautiful. One city. One family. One love. One heart. One Pulse.

Linking up with Biana today as this is part of my weekend, not just part but the most important part. I want to remind as many people as possible that tomorrow is not promised. Tell your loved ones that you love them often, you never know when will be the last chance. Please excuse any grammatical errors in this post as well as if this post seems a bit all over the place. These are my thoughts and feelings during a moment of extreme frustration, sadness and confusion.