Sequins and Sea Breezes: October 13th

October 13th

10/23/2017


 Thank you for all your sweet words and messages last week. I'm still not 100% ready to hit publish on this post but I know there are so many devastating things happening in the world, this is so minor compared to them but it completely flipped my world upside down.
October 13th, 2017 should have been just like any other day. It was my work from home day so I had planned on taking my dog in for a follow up appointment to check on his heart murmur and then getting some work done and maybe going out to enjoy a Friday happy hour to kick of the weekend. Unfortunately, things don't always go the way you plan and that's exactly how my day went. As I sit here writing this with the events of that day still fresh in my memory, it's hard to keep the tears from flowing. October 13th was the day my sweet baby boy, my furbaby, my only child got diagnosed with cancer. 
There was no part of me that was prepared for the news I was going to get that day. I knew he was getting older and had recently had several bouts of pancreatitis, both of which were easily treated with medication, and had been diagnosed with a minor heart murmur but cancer wasn't something I was expecting to hear that day. I won't lie, it's been a major fear of mine pretty much since the day I got him. Cancer tends to run in my family. Or at least that's the way it feels. My grandmother was a breast cancer survivor before I even knew what a mastectomy was, my grandfather and my other grandmother both passed from cancer within the past 5 years and I've had several "abnormal cell" scares myself. So there was always a part of me that just knew my dog would one day get cancer because that's the way my life seems to go but I certainly wasn't expecting it that day. He has shown no signs of being sick other than some leftover side effects from his most recent case of pancreatitis but his primary doctor wanted him to see a specialist to check up on his heart murmur so I went into the appointment with high hopes that his heart murmur hadn't gotten any worse or if it had it would be easily treatable. Little did I know, his heart murmur was going to be the least of my worries. The phone call came maybe an hour after I dropped him off and 3 hours before I was scheduled to pick him up so I immediately knew something was wrong. The only thing I can really remember the vet saying was "Novie has a swollen prostate and unfortunately in neutered dogs, that can only mean one thing: he has cancer..." I know there was some other medical terminology thrown about and then she asked if I was ok with them doing further testing but it would add to my bill and before she could even finish I had yelled yes into the phone. My heart shattered into a million pieces that day and somehow it still continues to break. 
As I was writing this, a story popped up on my Twitter feed that made me so angry and upset that I feel I have to address it. I've read the articles of women complaining about women who treat their animals as babies and call it an insult. If I insult you by calling my dog my furbaby, you have bigger problems. I'm not saying I'm delusional and think I gave birth to my dog or that he's biologically mine, but you know what? I've cared for him night and day for the past 11 years, I've fed him, I've played with him, I've held him when he was scared, I've administered medicine to him (sometimes in the most difficult manner), I've gotten him hair cuts, taken him to the doctor, I've made him treats, I've stayed up all night with him while he was sick, I've trained him, hell I've even wiped my dog's butt and cleaned up his puke on my bed at 2 am. If those aren't your typical "parenting" moves then apparently I don't know what parenting is. And that's not even the half of everything I have done for my dog but apparently because I didn't give birth to my dog, I'm not a "mom"? What about mom's that abuse their children, that allow their children to be sexually abused, or not fed. You mean to tell me that woman is a mom more than I am because she biologically had a child? I call bullshit. My dog has brought an endless amount of joy to my life and I have given him the best goddamn life I could. Does it absolutely destroy me that I can't fix this for him, that I can't find some way to make him better? Hell yes it does. The anger and hurt I felt when told his diagnosis parallels that of the Hulk. But I challenge anyone to tell me right now, or ever, that my dog is not my son. My dog is my son in the sense that he is and will always be family to me. And right now my heart hurts in a way that I hope no mother ever has to feel about their child (of the two or four legged variety). My heart hurts in a way that I can't even fathom will get worse but I know this is just the beginning. My heart hurts so bad right now for my baby and if it bothers or offends you that I call him my baby, I envy you for not having bigger things to worry about.
Please try not to judge. This post was written while I was chalk full of emotion; mainly sadness, anger, and denial so I know it might feel all over the place and the end goes on a bit of a rant but seeing that on Twitter could not have come at a worse time for me. This Thursday I meet with a cancer specialist to discuss treatment options for prolonging my furbaby's life as long as I can while giving him the best quality of life I can so excuse my ups and downs over the next few months. I'll do my best to remain positive in this little space of mine but some days will be harder than others. And for those of you who have made it down here, thank you. I know this was probably the longest post I've ever written and I appreciate you sticking it through! Hope you have a wonderful week!


*Linking up with Biana*

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39 comments

  1. Sending you so much love. You’re an incredible Mama to your pup and I’m sure he feels it. Xo!

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  2. I can't imagine what you're going through with your sweet friend! He is absolutely your furbaby and knows how much you love him & want him to be as pain free as possible...sending you lots of love!

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  3. Oh man I am so so sorry. Our dogs really are family. Heartbroken for you but how lucky your sweet puppy is to have you <3

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  4. Im so, so sorry my dear!! I cannot imagine what you ars going through. Hugs!

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  5. Girl I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine what you’re going through! I have seen those same kinds of posts and I’m SO tired of the judgmental thing. A mom is a Mom, right? Continuing to think and pray for you and sorry I had to respond to a comment above because it was just ridiculous.

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  6. Pamela I am SO sorry to hear about your baby--sending virtual hugs your way! And I totally understand your anger/frustration--I love my pup so so much and no one can tell you how you're supposed to feel! Sending so many prayers to you and your pup!! Definitely keep us posted!!

    Rosy Outlook

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  7. Oh girl, my heart hurts for you. I have three kids and still consider my dog my first child. She has gone through so many illnesses but if you are willing to care for them, they are amazingly resilient and strong, and you clearly go above and beyond. I'm so, so sorry that this is happening and sending you and he big hugs from me and Maggie <3

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  8. Ugh, my heart continues to hurt for you after hearing the news. I'm so sorry you are dealing with such a tough situation. Dogs become family and knowing a member of your family is suffering is so incredibly heart. I LOVE YOU and am praying of you!

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  9. I'm sooo sorry to hear this and can only imagine how you're feeling. Getting a phone call like that is the worst thing ever. I hope your appointment on Thursday goes well-- keeping you guys in my prayers <3

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  10. Sending you all the love and thoughts and prayers! I went through the same thing with Dart and it's never ever easy because like you said all you want to do is fix it for them! And he is without a doubt your baby, I literally would joke with Chris that I gave birth to Dart because it just feels like that after spending so much time caring for them and loving on them. I hope that things go well with the specialist, and let me know if you need anything!

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  11. Sending you more and more hugs girlie, nothing every truly prepares you for this. I came across something of Roxy's the other day, and just started weeping. Definitely let me know how his appointment goes on Thursday, you'll all be in my prayers. I'm so glad he's feeling like himself mostly right now, and is a happy pup! There truly are no words that will help, but just know you have a rock solid support system of friends and family <3
    Green Fashionista

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  12. Oh my gosh Pamela, I am so sorry to hear about your precious dog. Dogs are 100% fur children and are such a big part of families. Sending lots of love and prayers your way friend.

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  13. I am SO sorry Pamela. :-( Ignore those insensitive people out there. I 100% agree with what Ashely said too. Sending hugs and positive vibes your way. Try to stay strong. <3

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  14. I am so sorry to hear this, Pamela. You are 100% right that he is your baby. That's how we feel about our Ella too and it always makes me upset when others don't see that. Dogs are such a huge part of our family, they complete it! Sending lots of prayers and love to you and Novie.

    xo, Rachel
    A Blonde's Moment

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  15. So sorry to hear this Pamela! Sending prayers and hugs your way! And just ignore what the idiots of the world say/think. You're definitely a mama to this sweet pup!

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  16. Pamela, I’m in tears as I write this, I feel the exact same way about my fur baby as you do. And it breaks my heart to hear that precious Novie has cancer. I will definitely pray for you guys, I can’t even imagine the pain you are in.
    I’m always here for you! Sending you and Novie lots of hugs and tons of love!

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  17. Oh, sweet girl - I’m so, so sorry to hear about this. Me and Finn are sending you and your little man all the love and positive thoughts. xx

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  18. My heart hurts for you! Pets are just so special. Sending lots of love.

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  19. SO many prayers and love to you! Sophie is my baby - no doubt about it - so I get that completely. When they are sick, it just hurts you so much! Hoping for healing for your sweet baby. Much love!!

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  20. I am so sorry for your loss. What an awful day. I can still remember the pain of loosing my beloved furbaby, and that was 8 years ago. The grief is real and it hurts, bad. Prayers that your heart heals soon.
    Xoxo,
    Whitney & Blaire
    Peaches In A Pod

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  21. I am sending you so much love, Pamela! Animals lovers know how big of a part pets are in our families, and I am just so sorry!

    Meg, Borrowed Heaven

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  22. Oh Pamela my heart is breaking. Our fur babies are such a huge part of our lives that if someone can't relate then I feel sorry for them too. I know nothing anyone says will make all of this better but I can completely relate because my sisters dog was just diagnosed a few weeks and we are all feeling the pain. Sending you guys and please know you will be in my prayers during this time <3 Sierra Beautifully Candid

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  23. :( i'm so sorry girly. novie is just the sweetest pup in all the land. and i am the same way - jack is my baby through and through. no matter what anyone else says. to shame someone for saying otherwise is terrible. you know i'm here for you!

    xoxo cheshire kat

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  24. That really sucks girl. I can't imagine what you're going through. Dogs are family so it's hard when something happens. I'm sending lots of prayers your way!
    http://sugarcoatedbears.blogspot.com/

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  25. Hugs to you pretty lady. I am so sorry. Sending so much love.

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  26. Girl, I am SO sorry to hear this, my heart breaks for you. We've had our fur baby for 10 years so I absolutely understand. Let me tell you something, having Bennett did not change our love for Pixie ONE BIT. They are our family. Praying for you and your sweet baby.

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  27. Visiting from the link up and I just have to say: I am SO sorry you are going through this with your sweet furbaby. I'm a mom to two little girls but I've had my fur baby (a golden retriever, 11.5 years old) for 10 years and she is just as much our family as anyone else. I completely, totally understand. Sending love to you during this difficult time.

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  28. Sending big hugs your way! So sorry to hear you're going through this terrible thing and I know how deep a love you can have a for a furbaby just the same as a real child. Novie sounds like the sweetest pup...sending all the positive vibes and prayers your and his way! xo

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  29. First of all, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY A MOM and anyone who wants to pick a fight over fur babies vs. human babies can FUCK RIGHT OFF. Pets become family members, and when you have a dog of your own, you're absolutely it's parent.

    Second, I'm so sorry about Novie's diagnosis. My first dog (first dog that was MINE, and not the family pet) was diagnosed with cancer and it was absolutely devastating. You feel so SAD and completely helpless. I totally know where you are right now. I'm sending you and Novie all the love and prayers in the world, lady!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

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  30. I'm so sorry my dear, I cannot imagine the shock and emotion you had to process. I completely am behind your rant, I feel the same way about my little angel I rescued 9 years ago. I have gone through so many sleepless nights, vomit cleaning and shoving pills down her throat I would punch someone if they called me out for calling myself a dog mom! Sending you love and hugs friend!

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  31. Just lovely!! the pics looks so cool!!
    xx
    Mónica Sors
    MES VOYAGES À PARIS
    NEW POST: PFW STREET STYLE OCTOBER II

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  32. So sorry to hear about your baby! Sending you all my love.

    xx
    Lauren Elizabeth
    Petite in Pearls

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  33. So sorry to hear this. He looks like a sweet and cute dog.

    xoxo Falasha
    Bite My Fashion


    Instagram| Bloglovin'| Facebook

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  34. I am so sorry you're going through this. I have several friends whose pets are their babies, and they should be. They're apart of your family. Sending lots of love your way.
    xo - Beth
    www.behindmyheels.blogspot.com

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  35. I somehow missed this post on Monday, but girl I am SO sorry that you got this news, and that you guys are dealing with this diagnosis. Also, don;t listen to anyone who is going to judge you for calling your pup your fur baby. All of the things you said are true--you ARE his mom and do everything for him that a mom would. Knowing that your pup is sick and all you want to do is help them is SO hard. I know nothing I say will make this better, but know I'm here for you if you need to talk or anything. I hope the appointment on Thursday gives you some help in making your pup as happy and comfortable as possible. Sending you lots of hug and love today!

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  36. Sending good thoughts, prayers, & vibes your way. Our animals, no matter what that animal is, they are our babies & our family. I wish everyone felt that way. ❤️

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  37. oh hun. i am so, so sorry. sending all my thoughts and good vibes your way. i hope for the best. as for people who get cranky at people who say their pets are their babies? like you said, they have a problem. there are bigger things to worry about. i was just talking to someone about this yesterday, my dog at home is almost 13 and she is in a lot of pain and there is nothing we can do for her. i was distraught, as you can imagine, and i said she was my first baby, didn't matter that she was on the other side of the world, and this idiot i work with was like 'she's not your baby, she's a dog'. like seriously? ugh. anyway. hugs to you girl, i seriously hope for the best.

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